I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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