i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
