Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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