i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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