Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
