And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
