none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
