Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
