hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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