A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
as a side note pls kill me
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