why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
