You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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