I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
