i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
