I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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