first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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