Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
