where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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