Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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