Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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