the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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