I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
