DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
