They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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