How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
