i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
