No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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