just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
