i already hear my dad disowning me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
