No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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