And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
