i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
