at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
