was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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