Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
