Apparently you make a good broom.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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