And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
