Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
