i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
