you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
