I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
