You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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