Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
