that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
