is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
and she was petting her beer can
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
