ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
