Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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