If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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