Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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