she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink