8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November