The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.