oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.