How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
is that a dick in a sweater?