i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves