hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.