i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself