Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.