I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
