Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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