hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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