In the future we'll all be gay
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
