why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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