Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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