Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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