you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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