this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
